Worthless
by iloveethementalisttt
Summary: dark, dark story. Teresa mourning, sad stuff. WARNING: character death ;


**a/n: guys, this is just damn depressing. i cried writing ittt); WARNING: character death, sorry. dont read if you are easily depressed. good for bad moods, real sad sad sad.**

**disclaimer: i dont own them, i just dont. **

**quotes: **

*The Difficulty Of Losing A Loved One

By Cheryline Lawson

**Do you know what's worth fighting for?  
When it's not worth dying for?  
Does it take your breath away  
And you feel yourself suffocating?**

She could feel her throat close up and the tears about to fall as she listened to the mourning cries of the dull, Saturday morning winds. She could barley bear to look at the casket, knowing that her best friend's lifeless body laid cold inside. To her, burial sounded like a cruel idea- taking a loved ones body, and putting it in a hole, then leaving it there, alone and abandoned. The breeze blew back Teresa's hair, revealing hopeless eyes, filled with tears. She hiccuped slightly, in attempts to muffle her sobs. A few tears ran down her pale face, and dripped down her chin. She dropped her head, and closed her eyes.

**Does the pain weigh out the pride?  
And you look for a place to hide?  
Did someone break your heart inside?  
You're in ruins.**

Sam Boscoe was the only person in the world that she could completely trust. That trust may have had faltered over the past few weeks, but the drift between them wasn't strong enough to end their friendship. Ever since Teresa joined the CBI, she had been able to look up to Sam as a big brother. He was always there for her, and understood her more than anyone else. She was so strong and independent, but Sam could always see right through that; he could see the real Teresa. It scared her, at first; then she came to love being loved by him.

**One, 21 guns  
Lay down your arms, give up the fight  
One, 21 guns  
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I.**

She remembered the night that he had saved her life. She was in an abandoned alley, doing her search of the area, while Sam had another section of the area. Before she knew what was happening, the bullet pierced her body. Right above the hip, in the stretch of skin between her abdomen and her right hip bone. She heard more shots ring out, and then Sam's comforting voice calming her; putting pressure on her hip, and moving the hair out of her eyes. The ambulance and other cops hadn't shown up, for neither had their cell phone on them. Sam took off his jacket and put it around Teresa's cold body, and then used a strip of his shirt to tie around her small waist. He helped her come to a somewhat sitting position, and let her rest up against his body, holding her tight. He eventually got young Teresa to calm down, and finally help had arrived.

That night, Sam had proven his love and dedication to Teresa. That night, they became best friends. The connection between them was like no other.

**When you're at the end of the road  
And you lost all sense of control  
And your thoughts have taken their toll  
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul.**

When she got to her apartment, she flopped down on her couch, and let out a long wail. She felt wrecked, destroyed; broken. She needed Sam.

_He didn't deserve to die, damnit! He was a hell of a cop, and my best friend. _

Teresa was lost without Sam. And now that Minelli was retiring, she didn't know what she was going to do. The only people in her life that understood her, cared for her like a brother and a father, and they were yanked from her life, all in the same day.

_Abandoned. Rejected. Regretful._

Did Minelli not love her enough to stay? He had lost four good men, yes. But did that have to mean he had to just quit? Did she not mean enough to him, enough for him to stay?

"_Losing a loved one is like having the rug swept from under you. The tragedy never goes away. You just learn how to cope with it and keep moving on."*_

She let a mournful howl, and curled up into a tight little ball.

**When it's time to live and let die  
And you can't get another try  
Something inside this heart has died  
You're in ruins.**

It was 3 months after the funeral, and Minelli's retirement. Most had moved on, leaving the memories of the amazing people behind. She would go to work, pushing past the demons that swallowed her up every time she thought about Sam or Minelli. She felt that a part of her was missing; she would never be whole again. She tormented herself with thoughts; how she could have saved Sam. After all, he had saved her.

Why couldn't she have gotton inside faster?

Why couldn't she have stopped his blood from spewing all over the floor?

Why couldn't she get his heart to restart with the CPR?

She tourtured herself with these questions every night. She was raw, achy, and even numb. She felt stranded on this earth with nobody to turn to, nobody to understand her. She couldn't even find a reason to live anymore.

She was overwhelmed by these new feelings, aside from the mourning of Sam. She was very fearful of her own mind, but strangely at peace. She knew she wouldn't have to suffer anymore.

**One, 21 guns  
Lay down your arms, give up the fight  
One, 21 guns  
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I.**

Teresa was standing on top of the roof, in the city. She was overlooking the night sky, the lit up city, and the sound of cars from down below. She could feel the breeze blow back her soft hair, and drying the sweat on the back of her neck. She smelled the sweet atmosphere, and felt great. She felt so alive; she felt so dead. The winds picked up, and were now even blowing her clothes a bit.

"Teresa, you don't have to do this baby." She heard the now so unfamiliar voice of Patrick Jane.

"You don't get it, do you? Things are going to be okay now!" Teresa laughed and cried out the words.

"That's good, now why don't you just come over here, and we will get you cleaned up." Patrick held out his arms cautiously.

"No! It will only be okay, once I make amends. But what is the point of living? I would be better off dead. Really, because its not like I was able to help Sam. Its not like I was able to make Minelli happy enough to stay, or even to be able to comfort him! This is my fault, so why not get rid of the source of the problem?" She was crying out her words, and still smiling.

"Don't do this, people love you!" Patrick pleaded. He seemed so unfamiliar now, like she didn't even know him.

"Patrick, its too late; im already gone. I've been gone for a while. Please, lay me next to Sam, when you put me to rest." She began to sob, and then turned back around to face the sky.

She spread her arms out as the wind picked up; she bent her knees, swung her arms up into the air and closed her eyes. Patrick screamed and ran over to try to stop her, but was too late. He watched Teresa as she let out a cry of death as she fell towards earth. Pandemonium broke out below, as many saw what had happened. Shortly, police sirens were heard, and he heard the familiar voices of the team gather below. They saw her body, and lost control, but nobody knew what had happened, besides Patrick:

He had watched his Teresa end her life, as she threw herself and her memories away, crashing harshly against the cold pavement.

**One, 21 guns  
Lay down your arms, give up the fight  
One, 21 guns  
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I.**


End file.
